If I Could

Lately I have been wanting to have a little sit down with myself two years ago.  There’s a few things I would tell her.

1. Calm down.  Take a giant breath and breathe. Keep breathing.  The next two years are going to go really really fast, even if all of these sleepless nights are making each day seem like twenty. Relax a little bit.  Buckle up and enjoy it. 

2. You know how you’re freaking out? Well, every cough is not whooping.  Every warm forehead is not a fever (put the thermometer down). Every small thing is not a big one.  

3. The Almighty Schedule is for most days.  If six out of seven are normal, that’s great. If one day of the week is off, don’t panic.  You can wake him up from a nap if you have to make it to an event once in a while.  You can put him to bed late now and then and he will not fall apart, so you shouldn’t either.  Keep it up and protect his sleep when it’s logical, but don’t loose your poop if it’s not possible. Don’t vote for skipping vacation just because you’re nervous about his sleep.  He’s more flexible than you give him credit for. 

4. You are doing a fantastic job documenting all of these days in pictures. There will be so many pictures of the baby and you will be so happy that you took them.  Keep charging those batteries and keep reaching for the camera.  By the way, you can take video really easily on that thing.  Just turn that little knob on top over to the last dial and you’ll be golden (if I don’t tell you this now, it will take another three months for you to figure this out).

5. The child for which you are currently caring is not every child.  They are each so uniquely themselves and you will be so surprised to meet the second one who looks so much like this first one but with whom life goes much easier. All children will challenge you and all of them will remind you to give your mother a hug and let your father know how glad you are that your parents raised you right and to nuzzle up to your husband every night and remind yourselves that you’re in this thing together, forever and always. That way when things are less than perfect (and they always are) the two of you will laugh together and let the fear go. 

I don’t know if she could’ve heard these words and changed.  People probably said all of these things then but I couldn’t hear it over the din of my own mouth. I’m probably still a little closer to that tent than I realize, but at least I’ve left the camp.