Lessons and Learning

Posted by on Jun 16, 2012 in Thank You Thursday, Theology, Wifery | 1 comment

This past week was odd, probably for a variety of reasons, not the least of which being the tree that was ripped apart in our front yard. The story of that tree falling down didn’t actually begin on that day, though. It started on Wednesday when I heard the Lord speaking to me.

Don’t go nuts or think that I am. Sometimes this just happens to me, when I’m moving slowly, taking my time, talking to Him and actually pausing to listen to see if He responds. Most of the time, He speaks to me through His Word, bringing pieces of it back into my mind, reminding me of what I already know is true. Sometimes He keeps bringing the same thing into my view time after time and in different ways and then I know that this thing I have been ignoring shouldn’t be overlooked. And then there are the two times He has specifically shown me His movement in my life with cold hard cash.

Those scenarios went something like this:

1. Use money for something good, but unexpected.
2. Have another expense arise close enough to the previous event that my palms get a little sweaty about “all this money we’re spending”.
3. Freak the snot out about all of it in a horrific spiral of selfishness, greed and fear that ends in me questioning God’s goodness in general, but certainly His goodness to me in the specific.
4. God replaces the original amount of money TO THE PENNY to shut me up and remind me that it all belongs to Him, the Good One, the One I can trust.
5. Repentance from me and lots of praise to Him (but let’s be honest, most of the praise is over the wonderment part – that He stepped in and DID something – because more times than not, I am walking around thinking that He is not doing much of anything with regard to me. It’s not right, of course, but it is honestly what I am thinking when I focus on His boot-to-the-head style of intervening).

This week on Wednesday, I heard Him ask for me to do something with money and although I was fairly certain that it was Him speaking and not me, I waited to act. You might think this very unwise (if you are as sure as I was that the God of the Universe was asking me to do something, then I ought to get to it, don’t you think) or perhaps very wise (a prudent person would not rush to do something rash and how could you know if it was really God or just the fact that I hadn’t eaten breakfast that morning). Either way, I waited and actually, kind of pushed it out my mind as something to talk with Jud about later that night.

During the girls’ nap time, I picked up a book I’ve been reading and the Lord slapped me on the back of the head with what He’d told me do earlier. I’d reached a part in that tome that was about the very thing He’d been instructing me to do. And now I needed to act on it. Two sleeping girls and a husband not at home meant I couldn’t physically accomplish it. I was going to need to do something else to obey in the moment and so I wrote out a note and did it in faith that my husband would confirm the Lord’s direction [would I have gone ahead with it if he’d said ‘no’? No. I wouldn’t. That’s the thing about letting someone lead you. I’m not the one who would deal with it then at the Bema seat. I would’ve done my part and the Lord would deal with him as He wants. It really is a fantastic thing about being a woman with a man who leads. He is thoughtful and prayerful and sensitive to the Spirit.].

Then I waited for him to come home and for the proper time to talk about it. He read the note. We talked. He trimmed the tree in the front yard. I put the baby to bed. He came inside and said that I should obey. The matter settled, I was excited to obey but again had to wait.

Sleep came fitfully. I dreamed of not obeying. I dreamed of difficulty in obeying. I dreamed I had a giant, Tom Selleck sized, mustache that kept coming back right away no matter what I did. Finally morning dawned and I drank coffee, waited for my time to be able to go to the gym and used part of it to do what I needed to do.

1. It was Thursday morning and I’d just used money for something good, but unexpected.
2. It was Thursday night when our tree came crashing down.
3. We were driving home, unsure of what we’d find, when the energy started to bubble up in my chest. It’s the energy that comes before the freak out – the energy that turns it all into a nasty thing and I named it. I told Jud, who was driving through the pouring rain, that I wasn’t going to do it this time. I wasn’t going to doubt God, no matter what we found at home, no matter what the cost to remove the tree, no matter what shade is gone from our evening, no matter what the future holds. The future is His, not mine. I have been sustained by Him and He will continue to sustain.
I doubt 4. will come now. I don’t need it to and although I love those moments of unbelievable shock when He catches me in such bold ways, I am sure of His heart now. He doesn’t have to set off a firework to get me to look. I’m looking now. I’m ready now.
5. All Praise to the One who loves me. All Praise to the One who cares. Oh, how He cares.

One Comment

  1. This is one of my favorite posts you have written.

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