Morning Surprise

Posted by on Feb 21, 2008 in Uncategorized | 2 comments

I have this fear for Gideon that years from now will make him cringe at the thought of me writing about it, which is why I have yet to say anything.  In general, I try to keep the stuff of great embarrassment off of the internet.  I realize that flies in the face of YouTube and, probably, blogging in general, but one day he may read these things and I hope that I will not have to peel his feelings off the floor afterwards. 

The rule is usually not that difficult to follow.  If I wouldn’t want someone to tell the story about me, then I don’t post it.  Not hard.  Of course, I’m a pretty open person, so the off limits category is fairly small…bodily functions, supremely moronic activities that betray the brain cells I still have, run ins with the law, etc. 

This one may be in violation of the rule, but since you are a boy, Gideon, I hope you are okay with all this typing. If not, it is much too late to take it down, so take comfort in knowing that all of your friend’s mothers have forgotten this years ago.

Anyway, here is my fear. Constipation.

If you have a kid, you probably have had the fear too.  It’s a rational one.  I’ve known kids that refused to eat vegetables at all and they scream while going to the bathroom.  I’ve known babies that have held it for a week and then had eruptions on an air plane equivalent to sewage lines bursting. I’ve heard of a baby with a fissure (that’s a real thing….somebody has it).

In an effort to stave off the kid getting backed up, I encourage food consumption that includes plenty of fiber and avoid the usual stuff that binds like bananas, applesauce and cheese. Instead he gets oatmeal and spinach and bran muffins and fiber one bars.  Okay, maybe not some of those. But, you get the picture.   

Yesterday, after lunch I grabbed a couple of dried plums (aka prunes) as a sweet snack to end the meal.  Gideon wants whatever I eat, so he immediately started his food grunt that means “hey, lady, give me some of that goodness, you’re munching on.”  I put a few small pieces in his mouth and as it turns out, he really likes prunes.  Congratulations, baby! You are very much like your Poppy. 

Gideon has been sleeping through the night (what!? That is awesome!  I know!) for about a week and then sleeping in until nearly 8 am.  This means that everyone else is gone to work when he finally starts jabbering in his crib.  No one is happy that he is sleeping later, except for me.  They were all so used to getting their morning jolt of baby cuteness to get them through the next grueling nine hours away from him that the withdrawal from it is starting to eat at their nerves.  I’d say two extra cups of coffee should help. 

This morning, just before eight, I hear a funny baby cry.  It’s not sad.  It’s not the normal babbling.  It sounds a little urgent, so I move quickly to his room.  He’s pressing his head against the side and leaning to his right side, trying to keep from sitting down.  I picked him up right away and laid him down to change his diaper (he almost always has a poopy diaper in the morning, unless we go in to his room too early and he doesn’t have time to read the paper and have his cigarette). 

When I unsnapped his pajamas, there was poo everywhere.  Up his back. Down the legs. In every little chubby leg roll. He was right, it was something to cry urgently about.  There was no way to save the situation with baby wipes. Even industrial strength wipes would not have done the trick. 

Off to the bathtub, where the hungry, confused baby did not have a good time. I removed all of the remnants from his backside and leg folds. Clean again and ready for breakfast, he ate his Cheerios while I threw away the nasty diaper and pajamas, put the towels into the washing machine and washed my hands a few times.

Lessons I learned:

1. Do not fear constipation. Dried plums will rescue you.

2. Do not eat said plums unless constipation is near. 

3. There are some things that soap and water cannot fix, in which case, that is why God gave us trash bags. 


  1. That’s a funny story! Good to know about the prunes working, I’ll have to remember that (we haven’t had the big “C” problem much until we get to potty training– another subject not to put on the blog, ha ha!)

    Glad Gideon is sleeping so much better now. I was laughing my head off to hear everyone’s mad he doesn’t get up as early so they don’t get to see him before work! How cute!

  2. I had never thought about or discussed constipation until I met you. I remember thinking it odd in high school, and I still laugh about it now. You are a woman who knows her bowels.

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