The Burbs

Posted by on Jul 17, 2008 in Uncategorized | 6 comments

A couple of months after we bought our house, the people across the street from us moved away to an incredibly nice neighborhood several miles away.  He is a doctor.  They make bank.  We were sad to see them go. It was so great to have an internist across the street whenever something wonky happened with the baby.  I could just bop over there and be all “What’s the deal with this?” and I didn’t even have to type in webmd or anything.

When they left, a military couple moved in.  They are newly married and both have uniforms, although I can’t remember which one is National Guard and which one is Air Force.  Doesn’t matter. 

The thing is that they disappeared about a month ago. For real.  A month.  One of their family members, I assume it is her father, but I don’t really have any proof of that, comes over a few times a week.  They mow. They don’t do much weeding.  But at least the grass is not sky high. One time they brought a bunch of groceries over and I thought the neighbors must be returning and they were stocking their fridge back up.  But a few hours later, out came the four people who’d entered the house with all of the bags they’d brought in still filled with boxes and jugs.  Picnic? 

Two days ago I’d pretty much made up my mind that I was going to go over there and ask the old guy what was going on. Are they deployed (both of them, though? At the same time?), or TDY (do they do that in the National Guard?  Isn’t it just two weeks?), or on another extended honeymoon?

His car was in the driveway. After I put the baby down for a nap, I went out to go get the mail.  Any time I want to interact with the neighbors, that it was I do.  I check the mail.  It makes me appear less crazy. So, I walk over and open the box.  I’m about to shut it and walk into their driveway when the man sees me and then turns around and walks quickly into the backyard.

Now I’m starting to wonder if something untoward has happened and how I’m going to explain this to Cynthia Vargas.  Will Dateline reference this blog post?  Hard to say. But I’m watching and so far I haven’t seen any large bags, carpets or shovels.  I think that’s a good sign.


  1. wow. like a scene totally out of the burbs.

  2. Whoa. Keep us updated. Weird.

  3. Have they poured a new driveway lately? That could be a good indicator that something is amiss.

  4. They are probably just CIA operatives on “special assignment” to a far, far, far away land, and use the Air Force as their cover story. Let me know if the black helicopters start coming in during the night….

  5. Question: have you noticed any deviation in the height of the flowers? That’s where he may have hid the bodies. We will need to organize a shift schedule so that somebody is watching the house at all times. I will cover the first night shift. Do you have any night vision binoculars? Probably not. Don’t worry, I’ll bring a pair of my own. I will need a walkie talkie and popcorn. Extra butter.

  6. Dwight, I accept.

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