Jud found this picture yesterday while on the DTS website and I thought I’d share it with all of you. Those are two of our very good friends sitting next to him and we miss them and their wives terribly.
When I was growing up as a military brat, there was a general rule of thumb about places you were stationed. People were usually a little bit dissatisfied with their current assignment. There was always something that was an annoyance – the new climate, the lack of close friends, the small town feel, the big city problems, the work station, the coworkers, the usual. And so we always said that the best assignment was either the one you just left or the one you were going to.
That was usually the case, even for me. When we moved, I immediately wanted to go back, like when we left Hawaii when I was seven and stepping off the airplane I said to my parents, “This is nice, but can we go home now?” Or I would day dream about where we would go in the future as a great escape plan from whatever hardship or irritation I was currently enduring.
Even knowing that the problem exists doesn’t keep it from happening. We had been stationed in this city for a couple of assignments since my dad switched from on base to running a small detachment about fifteen miles away. Everyone was happy with that because we didn’t have to switch schools or houses or churches, and that was great for us. Stability is fleeting in military life and staying in the same place for seven years was nearly unheard of. And then we got orders overseas. I wanted to leave, mostly because my school life was sucking in a way that I cannot describe with words. I can only liken it to the scene in Splash when Tom Hanks asks the mermaid what her name is in her own language and she blows out all of the televisions sets with her loud, shrill shriek. In spite of the soul shriek, I was still scared of leaving, scared of doing something new, scared of attempting to make new friends. But I had no choice.
We moved and at first, it was difficult. It got easier as we adjusted to the culture and the climate and the bread (oh my word, we all put on so much weight, but that bread was ah.maze.ing). Two years went by faster than I could have ever imagined and we were reassigned back to the same place we’d just been.
That doesn’t happen. I could get into the reasons why, but just trust me that it doesn’t. We’d wanted to go back. On the whole, we had loved living there before. We missed our friends and we looked forward to seeing them again.
But it was hard to return, at least for me. I didn’t feel like the same person I had been and truthfully, I wasn’t. Obviously the people here weren’t just the same either, but I’d had my eyes opened to the great big world’s smallness and I couldn’t just put those old eyes back in. I had a hard time being friends with the people I’d been friends with before. I felt as if I’d grown into a different person but people wanted me to still be the old one and instead of trying to find some common ground, I just stopped being around them. It was easier. I wound up in counseling for a little while, trying to sort out the culture shock with professional help and I think it was at least moderately helpful, if only in allowing me to see that change is inevitable.
Of course, what I really wanted at the time was to move back to Europe, but what I didn’t understand then and still struggle to remember now, is that you can’t go back. That place doesn’t exist anymore and it wasn’t even real in the first place. Nostalgia isn’t reality. Reminiscing isn’t truth.
And so here we are now, back in this place we once lived and now live again and it is different. We are different. And you can’t go home.
This post made me think of this quote:
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.”- Demetri Martin.
Touche!!
“I saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and I thought, ‘That is cool.’ But then I saw another guy wearing a leather vest and I thought, ‘That is not cool’. Then I figured it out: ‘Cool’ is all about leather sleeves.” – Demetri Martin
“Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying ‘I apologize.’ Except at a funeral.” – Demetri Martin
‘I love women, but I feel like you can’t trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog’s name. Then Í said, “Does he bite?”. She said “No.” And I said, “Oh yeah? Then how does he eat? … Liar.”’ – Demetri Martin
It’s amazing that your thoughts ring so true! Heartfelt thoughts that say “we miss you” and “when are you coming back” might be sincere, but rarely last. We take with us this preconceived idea that a vacuum is created when we leave and that if we go back we can just place ourselves back in time. Reality is that there is no vacuum, people we love and miss are people we love and have memories with, but life has gone on without us and the dynamics of our lives have changed and intertwined elsewhere. This is not a bad thing, it is just time marching on!
I am laughing so hard.
“I think drowning would be a horrible experience. But I bet a little less horrible if right before that you’re really thirsty.”
“I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything.” – Demetri Martin
‘A quick way to start a conversation is to say something like “What’s your favorite color?” A quick way to end a conversation is to say something like “What’s your favorite color…person?”’ – Demetri Martin
“A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he’s persuasive. ‘Dude make a left.’ ‘Those are trees…’ ‘Trust me.’ – Demetri Martin
Reminiscing may not be truth, but…DARN-IT! Things have not been the same since you left, but I guess that’s how it is supposed to be…if things had stayed the same for us, then it wouldn’t be as much of a compliment to our time together.
We miss you guys!! And know that God has knit our hearts together as lifelong friends! Hope to see you soon.
not really sure what to say to this one. i’ve been thinking about this alot lately… staring reality in the face. our move is coming and doing so very quickly. as zanna said, things truly have not been the same since you left us. and, thus, life does go on. at this point, i almost believe i would rather move today than realize for the next 9 months that our big change eminent!!! =) p.s. i’m thinking that red is ALWAYS “in”. so, you’re safe. =) love you!!!
This really serious post had me feeling so sad, and missing you….until I read the comments. Maybe all life’s problems can be solved by Demetri Martin quotes. Just sayin. Miss ya. Love ya. Ronke
oh i am so glad you wrote this. we left our dear dear home, Texas, for law school for 3 yrs in Virginia and I couldn’t wait to get back home…so now we’re in dallas since last year, and honestly, I didn’t realize that I had meant that I wanted to come home to any small town, TX to raise my kids where you feel a lot of community b/c i’m not a fan of this city and its problems…however, you can move back and be our friends and there won’t be any disappointments b/c we didn’t get to know each other before you moved, but I think you’re great!
grass is greener. skies are bluer. never lived where this is truer 🙂